[Image description: Allison holds a scrap of a self-portrait done in black pen]
I’ve been blogging everyday for the last eight years or so. Documenting my existence for the masses – sometimes mundane, other times rather eventful. In these posts, I do make up tutorials, share links to my YouTube channel, post pictures of my minimalist yet sharp outfits, and share the general woes of student life. The blog is relatively well received. Several people even expect a new post as they drink their morning coffee, wondering what happened with my most recent ex-boyfriend and whether we’ve decided who keeps the dog.
The trouble is that those blog posts rarely make it outside of my head. And I’ve never had a dog, let alone with a partner. I’m constantly drafting and re-drafting mental blog posts and think pieces while I’m watching some fuck shit go down in public or as I scroll through Twitter. I struggle with trying to find my own voice through those moments, instead of mimicking other bloggers (many of whom are whiter and wealthier than I).
This is probably the fifth or six time in my life I’ve attempted a blog (a WordPress at 10 with the words ‘pink’ and ‘cherry’ in the title and a handful of perverted followers, a fashion blog my best friend and I made at 14…without any pictures, my Tumblr hair journey after cutting off all my hair a week into freshman year of college, and a writing Tumblr I’ve tried very hard to bury, to name a few). But one of my deepest fears in writing is sharing my work, even more so than it being “bad.” Second to that is having nothing to write about. Third, being a person who frequents the Internet, is a fear of being overly critiqued for my opinions. Only one of those fears is a real, tangible problem.
So I’m going to use this blog as a little test ground for practicing commitment, something I’m accustomed to but not entirely skilled at. I won’t lie to you and talk about frequency of posts, or what they’re even going to be about because it’s 1 AM and I just read my journal from 3 years ago when I lost hope in my creativity, and that’s motivating this decision to start a blog.
So from 22 and 19 year old Allison, both at 1 AMs in July, welcome.